I Hate Snowboarders
BY MICHAEL HENNINGSON
"To clarify, I don’t hate snowboarders as people. Well, mostly. What I hate is the idea that it’s somehow OK to invade my space — my mountain, my snow, my moguls, my chairlifts and my winter contentment with what amounts to a strap-on skateboard with no wheels. I, The Skier, was there first. Mind you, I have nothing against skateboarding (some snowboarders, though, have the gall to go so far as to equate snowboarding to surfing, which isn’t even a distant cousin, brah), but it belongs in an empty pool, a skate park or on a plywood half-pipe in some rich kid’s backyard, not — just ask any Taos Ski Valley worshipper — on a snow-covered mountain.
Skiing is a pure sport that requires grace and skill, form and a oneness with nature. It’s spiritual. Snowboarding is a game that requires ego, attitude, vanity and a complete disregard for other human beings. Yes, there’s skill involved, but the more that skill is cultivated, the more the average snowboarder feels the mountain is his or her birthright rather than the privilege it actually is. Or was. Case in point. Sort of. While attending this year’s Ski Swap in the Manuel Lujan Building at Expo New Mexico, I was run into twice and had to sidestep out of the way of several punks in Burton hoodies skateboarding in the facility among the crowds as if no one else was in the building. It was just like trying to ski at Santa Fe.
And let’s talk for a moment about moguls. To a skier, moguls are sacred. When one reaches a level of skill at which moguls cease to be intimidating, they take on the function of helping the skier to turn, to become one with the mountain. Moguls are not jumps. They are not devices designed to help snowboarders catch “wicked air” or assist their “mad skills.” So what do many snowboarders do when they encounter moguls? They turn their boards into block planes and shave the “bumps” down to bare nubs. Thanks. Thanks a lot.
To be sure, there are plenty of idiot skiers out there. But even at their worst, they generally have the good sense to know that right of way belongs to the person or persons in front of them, not to the person who wants to get from Point A to Point B faster than anyone else for the sake of sheer speed and a photo op.I don’t ski in your toilet, please don’t pee in my pool.To be fully representitive of my skier legion, I also must point out a few little things about snowboarders we find humorous.
FASHION
This is indeed what separates the skier from the snowboarder. Very few skiers wear one-piece outerwear. The ones who do are usually from Texas or Oklahoma and therefore don’t count. Skiers are far more concerned with their sport than they are with buying the latest trendwear from Hot Topic. And snowboarders have an uncommon tendency to wear their gear everywhere.
BOOTSSki boots are marvels of technology. Snowboard boots are glorified, overpriced mucklucks that happen to go well with ridiculously baggy nylon pants. And I’d trust my ankles to ski boots over mucklucks any day.
The youth of today — the PlayStation Generation — have chosen snowboarding over skiing, perhaps, for one reason: skiing is hard, it takes years to master, requires thought and seamless cooperation of mind, body and spirit. Patience is not a virtue among our youth, the ones who never had to rewind a cassette tape with the eraser end of a pencil. But the day will come when video games are so realistic we skiers can take to the mountains by ourselves while snowboarders stay home and do their thing on an Xbox, which is where snowboarding belongs in the first place."
Skiing is a pure sport that requires grace and skill, form and a oneness with nature. It’s spiritual. Snowboarding is a game that requires ego, attitude, vanity and a complete disregard for other human beings. Yes, there’s skill involved, but the more that skill is cultivated, the more the average snowboarder feels the mountain is his or her birthright rather than the privilege it actually is. Or was. Case in point. Sort of. While attending this year’s Ski Swap in the Manuel Lujan Building at Expo New Mexico, I was run into twice and had to sidestep out of the way of several punks in Burton hoodies skateboarding in the facility among the crowds as if no one else was in the building. It was just like trying to ski at Santa Fe.
And let’s talk for a moment about moguls. To a skier, moguls are sacred. When one reaches a level of skill at which moguls cease to be intimidating, they take on the function of helping the skier to turn, to become one with the mountain. Moguls are not jumps. They are not devices designed to help snowboarders catch “wicked air” or assist their “mad skills.” So what do many snowboarders do when they encounter moguls? They turn their boards into block planes and shave the “bumps” down to bare nubs. Thanks. Thanks a lot.
To be sure, there are plenty of idiot skiers out there. But even at their worst, they generally have the good sense to know that right of way belongs to the person or persons in front of them, not to the person who wants to get from Point A to Point B faster than anyone else for the sake of sheer speed and a photo op.I don’t ski in your toilet, please don’t pee in my pool.To be fully representitive of my skier legion, I also must point out a few little things about snowboarders we find humorous.
FASHION
This is indeed what separates the skier from the snowboarder. Very few skiers wear one-piece outerwear. The ones who do are usually from Texas or Oklahoma and therefore don’t count. Skiers are far more concerned with their sport than they are with buying the latest trendwear from Hot Topic. And snowboarders have an uncommon tendency to wear their gear everywhere.
BOOTSSki boots are marvels of technology. Snowboard boots are glorified, overpriced mucklucks that happen to go well with ridiculously baggy nylon pants. And I’d trust my ankles to ski boots over mucklucks any day.
The youth of today — the PlayStation Generation — have chosen snowboarding over skiing, perhaps, for one reason: skiing is hard, it takes years to master, requires thought and seamless cooperation of mind, body and spirit. Patience is not a virtue among our youth, the ones who never had to rewind a cassette tape with the eraser end of a pencil. But the day will come when video games are so realistic we skiers can take to the mountains by ourselves while snowboarders stay home and do their thing on an Xbox, which is where snowboarding belongs in the first place."
This guy is a dink.
2 comments:
This is awesome, I agreed with him 100%. Snowboardng is the biggest waste of time. We snowboarders are so full of yourselves, unlike this kid who obviously doesn't think to highly about himself.
being a ex skier here is what i have to say.
1...this article definately shows that the dude is racist." The ones who do are usually from Texas or Oklahoma and therefore don’t count" thats bogus man, texans and "okies" can be jive with the skiwear too!
2...he must be super rich if he owns his own mountain and the snow which creates the moguls that i didn't like as a skier or a snowboarder.
3...I have never found a video game that made it possible to somewhat realistically snowboard, but in almost all the arcades i've been to, there is a ski game, which 10 times out of 10 is lame
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